Of Brothers and Sons

Arjun called me a little while ago to tell me that Abhi had bit him on his leg. He didn't seem to know the reason, but quite likely there was some tug of war and Abhi escalated it to his version of going nuclear - biting. Arjun is not really the innocent either - he is quite capable of dishing out blows and shoves and the occassional kick.

In general though, they play well together and (thankfully) seem to actually enjoy each others company. Abhi clearly looks up to his brother and will follow his example to the tiniest detail, to the point of being parrot like. Arjun on his part, relishes this role and takes it very seriously. As a parent one often wonders if all the advice and admonishments are having any effect - so many times it feels like you are talking to a wall for all the reaction you get. However, we get some reassurance when we sometimes ask Arjun to take care of Abhi (say in a store or in a park) and he will proceed to instruct and advice Abhi with almost the exact wording that we have used with him. Arjun is also quite protective of Abhi. Abhi does these little projects in his day care (chef's hat, mail box, etc) that he usually says are for his "amma". When I made a mock complaint to Abhi that he hadn't made anything for his "acha", Arjun immediately defended him saying that the "police hat" (which never made it home) had been made for me. Also, he gives all of Abhi's craft work his full attention and insists on pinning them up on the wall in his room right next to his stuff. Another instance was his effort to pacify Abhi about going to day care. He would give him assurances of "Don't worry, Abhi, Eata will come to your day care." (See related post.) When Malini would ask him why he was giving him false hope, he would reply, "I am just trying to distract him to make him feel better." I think some of this protective instinct also comes from his Montessori education - in that system the older students are encouraged and indeed are required to take care of the younger ones.

On the flip side, kids also learn to manipulate quite early. Last week, Shuba had agreed to look after Abhi for about an hour while Malini took Arjun for his first piano class. Abhi was all bought into the idea of a play date with Suraj and when Shuba came to pick him up, he even ran to her car. Abruptly though, he changed his mind and ran back all teary and declared in between sobs that he wanted to stay with him amma. No amount of cajoling could change his mind and Malini had to abandon the piano class, which was kind of sad since Arjun had been looking forward to it. What was really galling was that Malini noticed that he was actually smiling between his sobs when he thought nobody was looking.

And then they will say or do something that will completely disarm you. Malini was scrubbing her feet with a pumice stone and Abhi enquired why she was doing that (he has questions about anything different you do). Malini replied that her feet were not doing well since she had not taken care of them. Abhi asks why not? In a bid to curry some sympathy, Malni responded, "Because there is nobody to look after me." Abhi is quiet for a bit and then replied, "But you are amma, right? You should take care of yourself."